


...I Need You Around

by the_chicken_rebellion



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: ;), But mostly angst, Ch. 4 had rape stuff in it, Drug Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Vaginal Sex, fair warning, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 04:26:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6104866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_chicken_rebellion/pseuds/the_chicken_rebellion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm bad at writing summaries.<br/>-Lone wanderer Jane is pretty fucked mentally<br/>-She uses drugs to get away from it all<br/>-Butch might actually care</p><p>-Also porn ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fic so go easy, yeah?

Butch pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, he hadn't meant to piss her off that much, it was just a joke.  
“Hey! Wait up will ‘ya?”  
She kept walking.  
Butch caught up enough to grab her shoulder. “Look I-…”  
Jane jerked away from his touch, her face was flush, eyes welling with tears.  
“Don’t _touch_ me.” She made it very clear she wanted to be left alone, but Butch persisted like he usually did.  
“Look girlie, I don't know what your problem is but I-“  
“What MY problem is?! My problem is you!”  
“Wha-“  
Tears were falling from her cheek, making streaks in the dirt on her face. “You aren't funny Butch, you never were. Not when we were kids, not when we grew up and not fucking now.”  
She had to take a moment to breath. “I can't deal with this shit.” She mumbled to herself.  
Rummaging through her pack she found the familiar red inhaler, putting it to her lips it was suddenly smacked away.

Butch was fuming, face red, chest heaving, yet he didn't shout.  
“Why the hell are you using?” For once he actually sounded concerned.  
She didn't say anything, just bottled up her emotions, picked up her Jet and walked towards Megaton.  
“Jane, I’m serious-” Butch had no choice but to follow her.  
When they got back home Jane immediately shut herself in her room, slamming the door. He knew from the time that he’d spend with her -both in the vault and out- that sometimes she needed space to herself, he never knew what she’d actually do when she isolated herself but she always seemed better afterwards, so he decided to give her some space.  
What a mistake that had been.  
\----------  
The door shut with a slam and Jane broke down in an instant, crumbling to the floor sobs wracked her body and she struggled to breath evenly. At the very least she didn’t want another panic attack, she didn’t want to feel much at all, and she only knew one way to dull her emotions.  
She took out the Jet that Butch had smacked away earlier and held it to her lips, without hesitation she pressed down the top, taking deep breaths. Hit after hit until she burned through five canisters like they were nothing, thank god she had a stockpile of chems in her room.  
She may have gone just a tad overboard on the jet but hey- there’s no one there that cared to stop her so what’s it matter, hell- why not take some Med-X too, and she was _pretty_ sure she had some booze laying around somewhere.

Go big or go home, though home didn’t feel like home anymore, nothing felt like it should.

  
Stumbling over to her stash to retrieve some Med-X she nearly passed out, the Jet made her light headed and dizzy and she couldn’t quite see or think clearly- _how many Med-X would be enough Med-X?_ She settled on three- three seemed like a solid number.  
Unceremoniously she pushed her sleeve up and got to work. She didn’t remember going from standing to on the floor, she didn’t even care at this point, but she noticed something gleaming under her bed- whelp, guess she found her booze.

  
She didn’t get that far into the bottle before she nodded off.  
\----------  
Butch was busy pacing back and forth downstairs, still angry at the previous events. An audible thud was heard but he was too preoccupied with his thoughts to look into it, he just couldn't understand why she snapped like that. She _never_ cried around him in the vault, even when he’d push her around and pull her hair, her resolve was admirable for a ten year old so why now? Then it hit him.  
That stupid joke he just had to make when they were on the road was about her fucking dad out of all people.

  
_“Bet James would have a fit if he saw his little goody two shoes daughter acting like this, enjoying violence and gore like you do.”_

  
“Shit, fucking shit.” He muttered to himself. He knew she had just lost her dad before he met up with her and he knew she felt like a straight up disappointment but it slipped his mind, it was just supposed to be a lighthearted joke  
Butch sprinted upstairs to her room, something felt wrong and he didn't know what to expect but I wasn’t what he found.

  
He opened the door and immediately rushed to her side. She was unconscious, passed out, maybe dead, hell if Butch knew. He was no doctor.  
“Hey!” he shook her shoulder. “Get up! Hey! Jane?!” looking at his surroundings helped him understand the situation, the floor was littered with empty chems and she had a half bottle of whiskey still sitting in one of her hands, spilling into the floor. He didn't know if she just slipped up and didn’t know her limits or actually wanted to end her life but he was not going to let her die. No way in hell would he live with that guilt. The fact that he didn’t even think about her emotional state when he joked around with her was eating him up.  
“Fuck- oh no, oh- shit, not fucking now-“ he sprinted down the steps and out of her house to Doc Church’s clinic.  
He burst through the door, probably looking like he was the one with the chem problem. “Hey you, I need your help now-” He grabbed Church’s hand and a nearby bag of supplies leading him to her house.

Walking him through the door he left open in his panicked state and pulling him up the stairs, he lead him to her room.  
“Good lord, what happened?!” Church demanded to know upon seeing her slumped over on her bedroom floor.  
“What does it look like!? She fucking overdosed or some shit, I don’t know!” Butch didn't know when he started but he was crying, tears leaking out as he tried to wipe his eyes.  
“Jesus, alright I'm going to ask you to leave the room.”  
“Why the fuck would I-“  
“Butch. Now, please.”  
Butch hesitated at first, but reluctantly walked downstairs and slumped onto the couch throwing his head back onto the cushion. He couldn’t understand why he was crying, maybe it was because they grew up together or maybe it was that stupid crush he had on her as a kid that he never got over, whatever it was Butch realized this couldn't happen again, he wouldn't let her do this again.  
Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a man’s voice.  
“She should be fine.” A wave of relief washed over him and he took a deep breath. “-but I need you to keep an eye on her, she's been to my clinic before for… self inflicted injuries.”  
Butch nodded not quite registering that last part. “Mhmm, hey- how much do I owe you?”  
“Don't worry about it, she didn't blow our settlement to hell with that bomb in the center of town- so the least I can do is patch her up” He turned towards the door. “Just please keep an eye on her.” As he was leaving, Butch thought more about what he said.

  
_Self inflicted injuries- keep an eye on her- please._

  
It didn’t sound like her to want to harm herself, always being a fighter and all- and sure he's noticed her recklessness in battle but he didn't think she actually wanted to die. He had assumed she was just being the stupid kid she always was in the vault.  
He felt like shit, but she- she was definitely feeling worse by a longshot and he knew he had to take some sort of responsibility for her now. You don’t just go through something like that and come out unscathed.

Butch had to build up the courage to go into her room, and when he did it was exactly as he expected. She was in her bed, resting hopefully, and hooked up to a bunch of iv’s that the doc had set up- god did he hate needles.  
A part of him avoided looking at her face- like she was a total stranger and it wasn’t okay to stare or something.  
When he finally looked, her brow was furrowed, even in rest she didn't look peaceful, and he realized just how much she’d been holding back. She was always acting calm and collected when he was around her, but apparently it was all an act. For once all he wanted to do was comfort her, so he did something he never thought he’d want to do in his life.

Butch pulled a chair next to her bed, sat down, and took her hand. Feeling her pulse soothed some of his anxiety about her damn near dying and he hoped somehow while still unconscious that she would feel better too. He sat like that for a while, looking at her, letting her pulse lull him into a sense of comfort. Soon sleep overtook him.  
\----------  
When Jane awoke her stomach dropped, she hadn’t _wanted_ to wake up- she thought she was done being everyone's burden. She tried to move her arm but something was weighing on her hand, she looked down and was surprised to see Butch was holding her hand in both of his, they were so much larger than hers.  
She looked around the room.  
It was clean of chems -to her disappointment, she was hooked up to an iv that was definitely not set up by Butch- it was probably still flushing out her previous suicide attempt, and lastly there was Butch sleeping in a chair next to her, her hands still in his.

Tears welled in her eyes, not because of her personal situation but because of the guilt she felt dragging Butch further into her mess of a life. And she thought she was a pain to deal with as a kid.  
Her shifting started to stir him from his sleep so she turned on her side, facing away from him so he wouldn't see her cry. She heard him get up, sigh and give her and a squeeze, then walk to the door. A part of her didn't want him to go and suddenly she was speaking without even thinking.  
“Please stay…” her voice was rough and quiet but she was sure he heard her.  
“Why?“ She heard the confusion in his voice and couldn't blame him, she hadn't exactly asked for him to get close to her before.  
“Please…” She shifted towards the wall so there was more room on the bed for him.  
Butch’s hand fell limply from the doorknob. He walked over to where she lay and started to settle down next to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, it felt strange to be in bed with her- god knows he never thought it would happen. He took a deep breath- breathing in the scent of her hair, it wasn’t pleasant, smelling of dirt and sweat, but it was her and she was alive.  
“Anytime, girlie…”  
As he held her in their embrace,they could both feel each other's heartbeats and in some ways it soothed both of them, it felt nice to know they didn’t always have to be assholes to each other.  
\----------  
When he woke up she was turned towards him, still asleep, yet her previous furrowed brow was gone. She was the one holding his waist now, face buried in the crook of his neck- breathing heavily. He couldn’t have thought of any other response to the situation than to hold her just as tight.  
The light squeeze stirred her from her sleep and when she woke up to their embrace she couldn’t be bothered to feel embarrassed over her subconscious neediness, she just looked up to him with a light smile and sleep heavy eyes.  
“Thank you…” her voice was raspy, like it sounds when you’ve talked too much though she hasn’t been talking all that much lately.  
“You almost died, you know.” He sounded dejected, like he'd been thinking about the entire situation as much as she’d been trying to avoid it.  
“Yeah I know…” She was quiet, “almost...”  
“We don't have to talk details but you need to know I need you around…” She had to admit hearing those words come from him surprised her. “Don't do anything that stupid again. I mean it Jane.” Tears welled in her eyes again. She gave him a squeeze and croaked out a quiet I'm sorry. He knew there wasn’t anything for her to be sorry for but he wasn’t about to argue over it now.  
“It's alright… okay? You're alright now, I got you.” He pressed his lips to her forehead with intent to show her he was serious, all she could do was continue to quietly sob into his neck muttering apology after apology, each one uttered broke his heart a little more than the last.  
\----------  
“Come on you should get up. You need to eat, it’s past noon.”  
She gave a weak chuckle. “I can't even think about eating right now…” Despite her protests she tried to stand. “-oh no...“ A wave of nausea washed over her.  
She doubled over next to the bed and began to empty whatever was left in her stomach.  
“Whoa whoa whoa-“ Butch rushed to her side, rubbing small circles on her back. “-hey, are you alright?”  
She couldn't respond without dry heaving.  
“I’m-”  
“-ugh fuck-“  
“-Butch go get the doc-“ She was starting to sound desperate. “-please…”  
He didn't say anything, just followed her orders and went to the clinic just as he did for her last night.  
When he walked in, doc Church looked less than surprised to see him back after the previous night.  
“Back again I see, Jane having more issues?” His tone was nonchalant and it was fucking _infuriating_.  
“Listen here you son of a bitch- Jane damn near died last night and I can’t have her survive through that just to die the next day-“ he was crying again. “-so just come up to her house, okay?”  
“Alright, alright… sheesh.”  
\----------  
When they got back to her room she was in the same spot she was before he left, still heaving, only now bile was coming up. She was sweating and looked broken.  
He rushed again to her side to resume rubbing those small circles on her back and tried reassuring her things would be alright. “Hey girlie, I'm back and I brought the doc. You’re gonna be fine doll…”  
She locked eyes with him. “Are you… crying?”  
“Shit I- I’m not crying, fuck- you just- you-“ for once he was at a loss for words.  
A light smirk graced her face. “It’s alright Butch, men can cry too.”  
“Yeah yeah, fuck you too pipsqueak-“ The back and forth between them reminded her of being a kid again.

  
A sudden voice startled them both.  
“Are we done with the heart to heart? I need to take a look at my patient.” Both of them seemed to forget Church was there.  
“Now Butch, once again can I ask you to leave the room?”  
He nodded and turned towards her room's exit when a small voice stopped him.  
“Wait-” She turned her head towards the doctor. “-can I ask him to stay?”  
“I wouldn’t recommend it but… I suppose if he could make himself useful it would be alright, just help her onto the bed Butch.”  
“Got it doc!” he was taking her arm and helping her stand when she stumbled onto him for support. “What, can’t get enough of my aftershave?” Even with tears in his eyes he tried to act like nothing was wrong.  
She let out a forced chuckle. “Only in your dreams.”  
He helped her lay on the bed, propping her into a sitting position with one of her pillows behind her back. “Only in your dreams doll.”  
“Butch you can have a seat now while I do a light examination.”  
“If you say so doc.” Just like the night prior he sat in the chair beside her bed. “Just let me know if there’s anything I can do.”  
When Butch looked back at Jane she was already looking at him. She looked like she was trying to mask her frightened expression and for once, it wasn’t working.  
Wordlessly he took her hand in his. It was cold, clammy, and shaking. It was shaking up a storm but he helped her still.  
It wasn’t long before Church started his examination.  
“Alright I’m going to start with some questions.” He looked from his clipboard to Jane. “Have you been sexually active in the past few months?”  
Her answer was almost too quick.  
“No. Next question.”  
Church wrote a note on his paper. “How often do you partake in the consumption of alcohol?”  
“Couple times a week.” Even Butch knew it was more than that.  
The doc didn’t even need to say anything, he just gave her a look that said ‘are you seriously trying to lie to me right now’.  
She noticed he didn’t say anything and backtracked. “Well- I mean I guess I’ve been drinking more often lately.”  
She already knew where the next question was headed.  
“And how about your chem use?” This is where it was always headed when she was questioned about her health. “How often have you been using?”  
Her voice got small all of a sudden. “Maybe a few jet a day… I- I try not to- I mean I don’t really want to keep track...“ She could feel Butch tense up, hands lightly squeezing hers.  
He was stunned. He knew she would partake once in a blue moon even enduring his death glare he threw in her direction, but how could she have hid the extent of her problem? She didn't seem to look or act high but apparently there was never a time where she wasn't.  
“That many Jane?” He tried looking at her but she wouldn't dare look back at him. “I couldn't even tell I-“  
“Butch, I’m not done, please keep conversation to a minimum.” It would've been easier for everyone if Butch had gone downstairs but they all knew Jane needed the support, she needed a friend, she needed him. “Now Jane, I'm going to press on several areas of your stomach. Please lift up your shirt and tell me if you feel any discomfort.”  
“Discomfort from you looking at my body or the prodding?” Butch snorted, she never _did_ respect anyone who told her what to do.  
Church didn’t have a response for her snide remark, instead he began his pressing.  
He started below her ribcage, pressing firmly but not too firmly. “Here?”  
“No.”  
Moving to the next area. “Here?”  
“No.”  
It was like they were going in circles. “Here?”  
“No”  
Butch was starting to grow restless when finally- “Internally you seem fine…” -thank god. “and I think I know exactly what’s going on.”  
Both Jane and Butch looked at him, waiting for the answer.  
“You're going through jet withdrawals, they should only last a few days but shouldn't be worse than what you're already experiencing.” As he was explaining he tried to clean up the vomit she oh so courteously left on the floor. “The cold sweats, nausea and vomiting, shaking, and loss of appetite are to be expected.” He continued after a slight pause to wipe down the floor with disinfectant.  
“You need to rest, make sure you eat and drink plenty of liquids and if you throw them up don’t worry, just keep trying. And you-“ he pointed straight at Butch “you keep an eye on her like I said, alright?”  
Butch nodded and gave her hand a squeeze.  
“Now if there isn't anything else, I'll be going.” He secured his pen to the clipboard.  
“Thanks once again doc!” Her tone was more sarcastic than not.  
He loosely waved behind himself and left, shutting the bedroom door behind him leaving the two in an awkward silence.

  
Jane started speaking after a long pause.  
“What did he mean by that?” She was looking towards her left, towards a wall, avoiding Butch who she felt still had a hold on her right hand. If she had looked, she would’ve noticed he wasn’t looking at her face in the first place. He was distracted.  
“Hm? By what?” His eyes were fixated on their hands, his looked so much bigger when they were wrapped around hers. He was rubbing her knuckles with his thumb, a concerned expression written on his face.  
“By “keep an eye on her”...”  
“Just to make sure you're eating and all that.” They both knew that was a lie.  
She finally looked to his face. “Bullshit Butch, I’m not stupid, I know he told you.”  
He didn't even try to deny that he knew about her previous afflictions. “I just- how could you want to-” Finally looking up to her, she was faced with his expression. He was clearly concerned, eyes puffy, face flush from shedding tears moments earlier. “-how could you want to-... you know?”  
“Know what?” She said it quietly through gritted teeth. She needed to hear him say it, wanted him to confront her, to rip it off like a band-aid.  
“I mean, how could you ever want to hurt yourself?” The situation was too tense and she didn’t like it but it needed to happen.  
“With a dull razor, plenty of chems, alcohol- would you like me to continue?“  
“That's not funny.” He had to look away from her face. “Your life isn't something to be toyed with. People would miss you if you were gone… people need you around...” She didn’t respond right away, prompting him to look back to her face and as soon as he did-  
“People like?”  
“People like…” He couldn’t get the words out, they were stuck in his throat.  
“You?” Butch was a shade of beet red the moment that single word left her mouth. He had to look back to their hands to distract himself from eyeing how flushed her face was. It was either from her slight fever or she was actually blushing.  
“Yeah I guess- I mean I’ve known you my whole life. I just- I wouldn’t-” The words were stuck again but he didn’t bother to try and correct himself. He muttered a curse under his breath noticing how he didn’t want to part his hands from hers but at the same time he wanted to run.

  
He was definitely out of his element and she was definitely blushing.

  
Silence filled the room again and she shifted to the left side of the bed tugging his hands the same direction, lightly persuading him to accompany her in bed. They were both red in the face and embarrassed they were seeing each other in their emotional states.  
They both knew what they wanted.  
Without words Butch momentarily separated their hands to rise from his seated position and join her on the bed. He sat to the right of her and searched for her hand with his. The pillow was still resting behind them, propping them into an awkward half upright position which neither thought was ideal.  
When Butch was removed the annoyance in question she turned on her side, pulling his hand still in hers over her waist, his other arm going underneath her head. She was warm and probably the closest thing to home he felt since leaving the vault.

  
They seemed to fit perfectly together, his chest against her back and her bottom against his… oh thank god she wasn’t wiggling or things would get much more embarrassing for the both of them.

 


	2. Personal Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ///////  
> NSFW  
> ///////
> 
> They have feeling for each other and they're both pretty bad at displaying it.  
> They spend some time with themselves if ya know what I mean *eyebrow wiggle*

Neither of them thought it would ever happen, this intimacy between them.

Her, head resting on his shoulder, hand splayed across his chest and him, holding her body close to his, stroking her shoulder length blonde hair that if he was honest, could really use a wash.

Where was the line between comforting and cuddling anyway? Not like it mattered at this point, the two of them knew it was both. Both of them damn well knew that Butch DeLoria, leader of the goddamned tunnel snakes was _cuddling_ with nosebleed- neither of them would admit it though, they tried to play it off as a way to cope with the shit situation that had unfolded in the past 24 hours.

It was around six in the afternoon and she still hadn't tried to eat out drink anything, she wouldn't admit it but she was afraid of throwing up again and told him time after time when he’d mention it “In a minute…”. He tried not to pester her _too_ much about it but it wasn’t long before he'd lose his patience.

He retracted his arm from around her and started to get up, he _needed_ her to take care of herself and if she wouldn’t, than he would.

“I’ll be right back.” He’d said it softly, like he wanted to make sure she knew he’d come back. She didn’t respond, just curled up into the space that he’d left in her bed- “ _god she was cute_ ” he’d caught himself thinking.

He went downstairs to the kitchen- needed to find something light that wouldn’t upset her stomach, she’d been suffering enough as it was, vomiting would only make it worse for her. As he searched the cupboard he was met with few options, all that was in there was a couple boxes of Dandy Boy Apples, and one box of Fancy Lads Snack Cakes -his favorite, they weren’t too sweet and pretty light on the stomach so that’s what he chose for her.

He got what he needed and sat cross-legged on the bed, Jane looked over at what was in his lap. A box of snack cakes and a bottle of water.

“Butch I don’t want to eat just-“ he cut her off.

“You may not want to but you’re going to.” He sounded like a parent telling their kid to eat their vegetables .

“I can’t…”

Butch’s brow wrinkled.

“Jane, it’s important that you eat something… Even if you just eat a couple and have a sip of water.”

“No I mean-…” She sat upright to face him properly. “I was gonna- I was saving that box.” He didn't know why she refused to let go of the box.

“I think you’re health is more important right now.” She always acted like an adult but now she was acting like a child, it was confusing. It was only a box of fucking snack cakes.

“Butch your birthday is coming up….” Why was she bringing up his birthday when they had so much more important things to worry about? “-those are your favorite and I was- I was going to give them to you, ya' know, as a present, and I know it’s nothing big but you always mention how much you like them and- I know how hard they can be to find but-“

The blush on her face was as intense as he’d ever seen it. “You're fuckin’ perfect…” He didn't even know what he was doing before he leaned over and planted a light kiss on her lips. The kiss was childlike but sweet. All he had done was peck her lips with his and when he pulled away he was almost as red as her.

“I’m sorry I-“ he was cut off by her taking his face in her hands and pulling their lips back together. Butch was caught off-guard falling forward, toppling her onto her back. His hands went to both sides of her head making their position that much more intimate. Her kiss was slow and passionate but she didn’t rush him, however it was made very clear that he didn't mind rushing when he skimmed her bottom lip with his tongue asking to gain entrance. She still felt like shit but now she was definitely feeling better. The room was filled with heavy breaths and light moans as they explored each other's mouths- she wrapped her legs around his waist and he cradled her neck with his hand. Neither of them had a word to describe it other than _hot._

At some point she shifted them so she was on top, straddling his groin, hell knows why she was getting so turned on but when she started grinding into him, his breathing hitched and his tongue slowed.

_She couldn’t have meant that._

One of her hands snaked it’s way down his side and to the fabric covered length between his legs.

_No, no, she definitely meant it-_

At that point he stopped reciprocating her kiss all together.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes breathlessly asking “-what’s wrong?”. They were both flushed, lips swollen from their kissing and he looked away, any other time and he would've stared at the sight.

“Butch? Did I do something wrong?” _He_ was the reason things got heavy between them in the first place.

“No no no- you're fine, you're more than- fine, I just-… need to take a shower-“ he blurted. Suddenly she was left alone in her bed, still turned on but now incredibly confused. Why the fuck did he need a shower all of a sudden? Who the fuck does that? She didn't know what to think.

\----------

Butch shut himself in the bathroom and leaned on the door trying not to focus on the tent he was sporting in his vault suit. She was not in the right state of mind yet, her emotions were all over the place and he wouldn't let her rush into anything. After she felt like her normal self he might take her up on the offer, _if_ she still wanted it. And sure he felt good about the situation morally but now he was stuck in a goddamned bathroom with a massive hard on, what the hell now?

-

Jane was still looking at the door he left open when he left to ‘take a shower’ _._ What just happened? Maybe he just wasn’t attracted to her like that or maybe he really _did_ need a shower- god only knows but now she didn't know what to do with herself.

-

He gave a long sigh- _Am I really about to do this right now?_

When Butch brushed against his bulge his hips bucked in response- Christ, she really had him going. He rubbed himself over his vault suit just to feel how hard she'd made him and it was _hard_.

-

The heat between her legs was unbelievable. She didn’t even need to check how wet she was- she knew she was soaked. The relief she craved wouldn’t even be that far away with how sensitive she was, but when’s a little teasing done any harm?

She pulled the zipper of her jumpsuit down to her navel and slipped her hand under to feel her breasts. Rolling a nipple between her fingers, she arched her back.

-

Rubbing himself through his suit was getting to be agonizing, he needed his release already.

He took off his jacket and unzipped his suit feeling guilty as he thought of how much better it would be if _she_ was the one undressing him. Still leaning on the door he pulled down his boxers and freed his erection- clothing pooling around his thighs. His cock was a bit shorter than average but he was also on the thicker side _-_ not like he'd care to know what’s average since he didn’t have anything to compare it to.

Butch grasped his length and started pulling and pushing long strokes, he couldn't help but to picture it was Jane’s hand instead of his own. As he touched himself he kept thinking of her, how she would look riding him, what her face would look like when he made her come. He swirled the bead of pre-cum on his head with his thumb- picturing it was her tongue instead. His eyes were plastered shut, he was getting close, he couldn't stop picturing her moaning his name, or at least trying to moan his name while her mouth was around his cock.

He pumped his member relentlessly, having to stifle the moans that threatened to escape his lips. He was oh so very close-

-

Her hand dropped to her groin finding she was damn near dripping.

She spread her lips, rubbing herself, enjoying the friction. She couldn't help but to roll her hips into her hand and when she dipped two fingers into her core she let out a pitiful whine. She moved slowly at first, enjoying teasing herself. After a while though she couldn't take it anymore.

Two fingers turned to three as she pumped them in and out, curling them to reach her most sensitive parts. Her back arched, hips moving with the rhythm her hand set.

-

“Fuck fucking shit fu- cking- sh- it-…” His hand slowed, dragging out the remains of his orgasm. When he opened his eyes he was covered in his own fluid.

Guess he had to actually take a shower now.

The water was cold which was a blessing since he couldn't stop replaying what just happened in his head, he just needed to play it cool. He doesn't want her to think he jacked it instead of sleeping with her because he didn't like her, because he most certainly did like her and if she was acting like herself he would _most certainly_ have jumped at the chance.

Butch dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist, he needed to find something to wear that didn't have dribbles of cum on it. He stepped out of the bathroom and was on his way to his bedroom when he heard something- _sounds of moaning_.

Curiosity got the best of him and he peeked past the open door.

-

She was whispering under her breath. “Oh god- oh god- oh shit- Butch~”  So close- She brought her other hand to her clit as she reached her peak- rubbing quick circles around the bud. Her climax was almost silent not wanting Butch to hear- but her face said it all.

-

His eyes were as wide as they could’ve been.

_She's getting herself off while thinking of me- damn she's gorgeous when she comes too._

Butch’s first reaction was to just go on with what he was doing- just get dressed and pretend he didn’t see anything. He walked into his room and rummaged through a pile of cloths. Just a tee-shirt and jeans, that’d be normal, right?

_I'll never be able to see her the same after this. Never._

-

_God, what the fuck did I just do? He probably doesn’t even like me that way._

She was still panting, chest still heaving from her orgasm- god that took a lot out of her _._ Looking to the floor she noticed the box of snack cakes.

_I might actually be able to stomach a few right now._

Opening the box and nibbling at one she was surprised that her stomach didn’t heave in response.

_Okay, okay, good sign._

-

Butch decided to give her some space by plopping on the couch downstairs- or maybe it was him who needed space? God knows after that turn of events.

 _10? 15? 30 minutes? How long should you wait after seeing someone that you jacked it to the thought of?_ _God I am a mess._

Maybe he should just sleep on the couch tonight, would she even want him close to her after he pretty much ran away from her advances?

Fuck it- 15 minutes and he’ll just tell her he’s going to make food and if she wants any, than she can have some. Just a small word or two- and if she says anything about _anything_ then he’ll deal with it then.

-

When the 15 minutes was up he went upstairs.

_Are you shittin’ me…?  She had eaten the whole damn box... and fallen asleep._

Butch decided against waking her since she really needed the rest- but he couldn’t stand seeing her shiver so he tucked her in and planted a kiss on her head.

_God was he lucky that she’d made it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit shorter than the last chapter but I'm still pretty happy with it.
> 
> Also thank you guys so much for the kudos <333333
> 
> Also also I've never written anything even remotely smutty IN. MY. LIFE. so apologies if it sucked or didn't feel natural.


	3. Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ///////  
> NSFW   
> ///////
> 
> Basically all smut with a hint of angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Black_Wolfie I made sure Butch went down on her ;)

_ Yeah, there wasn't anything weird about this.  _

Nothing weird about two childhood enemies turned friends who just so happen to like each other and sleep in the same bed for “comfort”.

Nothing weird about the fact that they’d both masturbated to the thought of each other just a couple weeks ago. 

Nothing weird about how they’d both silently refused to discuss their almost hook up with one another even though it was killing them not to- okay well maybe not her, she looked pretty composed after she got over the withdrawal and she didn’t really mention anything regarding it.

Butch though, it was killing him not to say  _ something- and fuck, he might as well considering  _ he pretty much told her to go fuck herself by running off when she palmed his cock-  _ god _ ,  _ but then she went and did fuck herself. _

So many thoughts were swimming around his mind.

_ I’m the reason she tried to kill herself- I never should’ve made that stupid ass joke. I pushed her over the edge and if it wasn’t for me she would be fine, if I never tried to act like we pals all of a sudden then she’d never have tried any of that. But god, when she kissed me, when we got so close to fu- _

“Butch?” her voice snapped him back into reality.

“Huh? What?” 

She stopped walking to face him, hand placed on her cocked hip. “I was talking to you.”

“Oh uh sorry- I was just thinking about something…” He trailed off hoping she wouldn’t pry.

“Oh? Of what?” A smile appeared on her face. Her smile was wide, the most pure thing he’d ever seen. It was rare for her to smile after leaving the vault so he couldn’t help but to smirk at the sight of it. His smile faded fast however when he realized exactly what she was asking. “Well come on DeLoria, tell me!” He could just lie to her, tell her he was thinking about what to make for food at their next stop, tell her he was thinking about what he needed to trade when they got back to Megaton. What’s the point though? Why lie to her after everything that’s happened, after everything he’s put her through.

“I uh… I was just thinking about everything that happened the other week…”

Her smile fell and she tried to put a stop to the conversation as soon as she understood what he meant. “Butch you don't have to-”

“No, actually I do- I pushed you over the edge.” He had to take a deep breath.  _ Guess it’s all coming out now. All of it.  _ “Look Jane, I’m the reason you did all that shit to yourself. If I hadn’t made that stupid  _ fucking _ joke in the first place, none of this would’ve happened.”

“Butch, it wasn’t your fault...” 

“-I’m not done.” He muttered a curse under his breath before he started again. “I'm so sorry about James and I never meant to joke about him being disappointed in you. I know you don’t like talking about him and I'm so so sorry for pushing you to but I want you to know that I think he’d be proud of you. If you died it would’ve been my fault- and then James might haunt me or something.” More jokes about her dead father,  _ great.  _ “Look, I can’t stand the thought of losing you and I’m so grateful that you didn’t die and that you’re here, standing, right in front of me.” He gestured to her doing exactly that, just standing in front of him-  _ was she going to cry?  _  “-God and look at you now, you’re alive and you aren’t taking Jet- believe me I’ve been watching for it.” He needed to stop rambling or something that he didn’t want to tell her would slip out. “-And you look great, goddamned gorgeous- not that you haven’t always b- because you looked great before too but what I’m trying to say is…”  _ God damnit Butch, get it together, this is not how it was supposed to go. _ “-I really really fucking like you and I'm glad you're not dead.”  _ Real fuckin’ smooth Romeo. And shit- here come the tears, but she's… smiling again?   _

They were standing a couple feet apart until she pulled him in for a hug. She buried her face into the crook of his neck while he stood still, not quite understanding what was happening.

“Butch I-… I didn’t know you cared about me that much.” She gave him a tight squeeze, like she planned to never let him go.

“I- uh… I do alright?” He wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself, the last time she got this close to him they almost…

She angled her head up from his neck, being only a couple inches shorter than him, and placed a kiss on his stubble covered cheek, he smelled like sweat, dust, and faintly like that aftershave he was so adamant on using. “Butch, I have a lot of problems with myself and the fact that you cared enough to intervene means a lot to me.” More thoughts filled his head.

_ She’s really treating this platonically isn’t she? Maybe I should explain myself better... _

“I uh- I don’t think you understand quite how much I like you…” He took the opportunity to place his callused fingers under her chin and tilt her head to meet his. “-because I think I might love you…” Her eyes closed in anticipation for the inevitable and his lips caught hers in a tender kiss. She responded justly by grabbing onto his jacket by the lapel, pulling him closer to her, deepening the kiss. His lips broke away and moved expertly to her jaw then to her neck, she turned her head giving him better access to the area, feeling a slight heat build in her lower abdomen. He mouthed at her pulse point, licking, nipping, sucking the area- was he  _ trying _ her give a hickey? 

A light moan escaped from her mouth when his tongue trailed to her collarbone and as soon as her noises reached his ears, a groan was emitted from his throat and he hoisted her to straddle his waist, warm hands under her thighs- lips back on hers. He moved to the side of some building, pushed her against it, another moan escaping from her lips and her arms wrapped around his neck. He had to break their kiss for a moment, needed to ask her if she was sure she wanted it before it got out of hand.

When he broke it off she wined at the loss and before he could get his words out, she spoke. 

“You're not gonna run away again are you?” Her voice was almost husky with lust and he was almost embarrassed until he remembered that he had something to fire back with. A devilish smirk spread across his lips. “If I did, would you go and touch yourself again?” His grin got even wider when her half lidded eyes opened fully and she looked away from his face. 

“I- fuck Butch- I didn't know you-... did you hear me or something?- I mean I tried to not make a lot of noise but-” She was bright red.

“-Oh I heard you alright doll, but I also saw you-” His hand crept to her front, cupping her heat. “-I saw you finger yourself while thinking of me.”  He started rubbing her through her jeans. “I saw your face when you came around your fingers.” He resumed sucking on that tender spot on her neck- he was definitely trying to give her a hickey, god, and she was  _ letting _ him. “Maybe you should close the door next time.”

The friction of his callused fingers felt  _ too _ good against the fabric of her groin and she was  _ too _ eager for him to advance. “You say you saw me touch myself-... why didn't you join me?” She spoke in breathy pants. “You could've had me right then and there, why didn't you- why couldn't you have just given in?” She couldn't help but to buck her hips into his hand when he nudged her swollen bud. The vibrations of his voice against her neck made her shiver. “Didn't feel right then, feels right now.” He moved his hand from her groin to her breast and squeezed lightly. “ _ Definitely _ feels right now.” Butch palmed at her breast- kissed down her throat, if he didn't move on with it she was going to end up begging- she sounded like she hit rock bottom when the words trailed from her lips. 

“I-... Butch I need you to-... fuck- please, please…” She couldn’t help but to be out of breath, he  _ was _ working her up pretty well. Butch’s face was plastered with a shit-eating grin. “Oh would you look at that, “please”, the magic word-” He let her fall from his waist and immediately hauled her over his shoulder. “Butch! Hey- that’s not what I- fuck- just put me dow- ” Trying to argue while he had her over his shoulder was futile but a part of her was relieved he had actually decided to give into her pleas. 

There wasn’t a lot of privacy where they were, not being at home or in a hotel room- raiders could stumble upon them at any moment but neither of them really cared. An abandoned house was better than nothing and they hadn’t seen anywhere better for hours of walking- not that they thought they’d end up here in the first place. Butch swung open the door- eager with want, the place- like most- was a mess, trash everywhere- did it really matter though? He couldn’t even get far enough into the house to see a bed before he let her down and covered his mouth with his. Their tongues wrestling for dominance. She broke the kiss to speak. “Bed?” It was only one word but it meant so much coming from her. “Mmhm-” He pulled her white shirt over her head- well _his_ shirt if they were being technical- and pushed her bra above her breasts to give them a kiss, they weren’t the largest but who needed more than a handful anyway? Never separating from each other, they stumbled towards what they assumed was the bedroom- it was a small house so there were only so many options. When they reached the room they were right, it was the bedroom but it was _filthy_. She peered at the bed, it was covered in _something._ “Couch?” A low chuckle emitted from his throat. “Wherever you want it girlie…” He was back on her neck- him and that damn spot.

She lead them to the living room but stopped short of the couch. “So uh- how do you want to… proceed?” She cringed when the words left her mouth.

_ Proceed? It’s not like this is a business deal, I sound like such an idiot. _

“Just let me take the lead, you deserve something uh… something you've never had before-” He pushed her onto the couch so she was seated. “-now, do me a favor and take off your pants.” She couldn’t have done what he asked of her quicker, ripping off her jeans like she was told if she didn’t then she’d die or something. She was left in her undergarments for his viewing pleasure, lacy black panties moist with want and bra still pushed above her breasts. “You can take off the bra too, looks uncomfortable.” Again she obliged as quick as she could and he took the bra from her and tossed it aside. Next came his fingers between her legs. All he did was brush against the crotch of her panties and she shivered. He knelt on the floor in front of her- half lidded eyes watched him with curiosity. “Butch, what are you…” He started light, gently parting her legs and planting sweet kisses up her inner thigh. “-oh…”. Hands traveled to her hips and guided her to sit forward, scooting her up so she was on the edge of the seat. He looked her in the eye as he ran a finger under the waistband of her black lace underwear and tugged lightly as if to ask for permission, Jane nodded wordlessly, she'd never done  _ whatever  _ he was going to do and was eager to see what his plan was. He pulled the panties off of her slowly, dragging the fabric down her legs until she was fully exposed to him, the sight making his cock twitch.

He dragged two fingers over her slit, she was wet, glistening even. “Is this okay?” 

“Do you even need to- oh!-... ask?” He had inserted his index finger without much warning and curled it up into the space that he knew would make her squirm-  _ that son of a bitch _ . Her head was thrown back like it was the most divine thing she'd ever felt. His finger moved deliberately slow, he enjoyed teasing her far too much for  _ her _ liking. Her hand snaked down to the one between her legs and she withdrew his finger only to place a second at her entrance and urge him forward. Butch happily re-entered her, again curling his fingers into that damn sensitive spot deep in her core. “Mmm- fuck... I want you to play with my- oh- oh my god!” He planted his mouth over her clit- sucking lightly before pulling off with a pop. “Sorry, what was that? Play with what exactly?” The grin on his face was unbelievable- he was so proud of himself. He pulled out his skilled fingers and enjoyed the pathetic whine she let out when he did. 

“Hey wait, don’t… please…” She looked down to see him readjusting, placing his arms under her legs, hands on her hips. 

“And the magic word makes another appearance-“ He watched her face change as he dragged his tongue up her slit and flicked over her nub. “Butch!” His grin grew even wider and he found he couldn't deny her anymore. He started with long strokes, lapping at her entrance. She was tart but not unpleasantly so. Her hands went instinctively to the back of his head, and she ground herself into his mouth, desperate for more friction, desperate for him to give her the release she needed. Moans were made up of soft pleas and they both knew she was getting close. He slid his mouth away, replacing it with his fingers. “Do you want me to make you come?” All she could do was nod furiously. “Use your words doll.” He was still working her over with his fingers and it was hard for her to think. “I- I- fuck-… please?” He muttered a small ‘close enough’ before picking up the pace, fingers moved quick, curling up into her as his mouth worked on the bundle of nerves- licking and sucking. She tugged a bit on his hair and arched her back in white hot pleasure as she finally- finally broke. “Holy shit- I’m- shit, I'm- oh my god!” He worked her through it, enjoying her involuntary twitches when he nudged an over sensitive area. She was panting when he withdrew from her. Kissing her thigh he asked in the most self satisfied voice possible “Am I good or am I good?” That devilish smirk was back on his face. 

Her hand cupped his cheek. “Butch, I think that was the best- orgasm I've had in my life!” She couldn’t have looked more beautiful if she tried, her body was flush all over and that damn hickey stood out like a sore thumb. 

“Oh you don't think we're done here, do you?” He planted another kiss to her thigh. “I can make you feel much more than that.”

“Butch DeLoria, you are too cocky for your own good-“ She bent down to the man between her legs for a kiss, tasting herself on his tongue.”-now, how about we get you out of those clothes?” If he was going to be honest his jumpsuit  _ was  _ getting to be a little tight. She motioned him to stand.  “Stand up- I’ll help.” Butch did as she asked and she stood as well, pressing their lips together as she stripped him of his jacket, running her hands up his chest to the zipper of his jumpsuit, she pulled it down and pushed the fabric off of his arms and to the floor. 

Next her hands snuck up his undershirt, she scratched lightly over his chest before pulling the fabric up and over his head. Now it was  _ her _ mouth on  _ his  _ neck giving him the same treatment he gave her as her hand crept down to his boxers. Her finger tugged on the waistband just as he did with hers and he nodded a silent yes. He was painfully hard and when her hand grazed over his thick length he couldn't help but to buck his hips into her hand. She looked surprised, as if she'd never seen that sort of thing before,  _ wait- she has done this before, hasn’t she? _

“Hey, uh- before you get started with that… you've done this before now, right…? Sex, I mean.” If one of them was blushing more than the other, it was Butch. 

“Once.” She started stroking him under his boxers. “And before you ask, I'd rather not talk about it.” 

“I- um, that's fine, as long you’re okay going forward with this.” He kissed the top of her head as she stroked him. Her fingers barely fit around the girth.

She spoke into his neck- refusing to look at him. “Can I… use my mouth?” 

“… If you want, you don't have to though.” It was so hard for him to keep his cool, she was acting so innocent and it worried him that he went too fast with her before.

“I know I don't have to, it's just that you made me feel fantastic just then and I want to return the favor.” Alright, maybe it wasn't too fast but still, she was acting like a blushing virgin all of a sudden. 

“Okay, I can stay standing or I can sit if you want.” 

“Alright… take a seat then.” Butch pulled down his boxers and sat on the edge of the couch where just moments ago their roles were reversed. His length was stiff against his stomach and Jane was surprised to see him fully exposed to her like that. She knelt between his legs and used her hand to stroke him again- trying to get him ready for her warm mouth. He groaned when she made contact with her tongue, licking up from his base to the head. “Good?” She was genuinely curious.

“Oh ho- very good.” He pushed the hair away from her face to look at her. “That’s a good look for you by the way, you being between my legs and all.”

“Butch as far as I recall, you were much more eager to be between  _ my  _ legs.” 

_ Well she wasn’t wrong.  _

She circled his head with her tongue before sucking gently. That earned her another groan from the man in her control. When she finally sank her mouth down she must’ve went farther than she was able to take because she gagged around him. 

“Whoa whoa, you don’t have to take  _ all  _ of it. Just use your hand for the rest if you need to.” A part of her was glad that he was giving some sort of direction for her to follow- after all, she wasn’t all that experienced with someone else's pleasure.

She pulled off of him with a pop to coat him in her saliva- licking him up and down for better lubrication. Soon her hand was back around him stroking up and down as her mouth sank back down. He was right, it was much easier for her this way and by the looks of it, he was enjoying it more too. Her head bobbed on his cock while he held her hair back in one hand- she could taste his pre-cum when she ran her tongue along the slit on his head, it tasted different than she thought it would but not in a bad way. The room was filled with the sounds of his labored breathing until he spoke up.

“I- if you want anymore from me tonight, I- suggest you stop there before I make a mess of your pretty little mouth.” She gave him one final suck before pulling off.

“Fair enough… You  _ did _ say that you could make me feel more than that orgasm anyway.” She got up from the floor and straddled him- putting her arms around his neck and giving him a wet kiss. “How do you plan on doing that anyway?”

“I’ll show you-” He kissed down her neck and chest, taking nipple into his mouth and sucking before guiding her into position. “-just lean over the armrest for me.” He guided her to her knees and told her to lean her arms on the armrest so that she was facing away from him.

“You really want my ass in the air like this?” She looked behind her to see him slowly pumping his cock, it was… hot and her face turned bright red. 

“Just trust me.” He planted kisses up her spine and she involuntarily shivered when he reached her neck. “You trust me, right?” He was rubbing his length against her sensitive bud. 

“Absolutely, you know I do…” And she did, after all he did for her, she definitely trusted him.

He lined himself up with her dripping entrance- drawing circles around the opening. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” She tried leaning back some to guide him in.

“Are you sure?” He loved teasing her when she knew she was more than ready.

“Butch, I appreciate the concern but I- hmpm- mmm…” He pushed into her slowly- letting her warmth envelop him as he grabbed onto her hips for support. 

“God, Jane you’re tight, you know that right? Butch couldn't have come across any more cocky. That tone of voice that he loved to use and that giant smile on his face definitely proved it. 

“I wouldn’t know- ah fuck- but now you do, don’t you?” He was completely sheathed in her warmth.

“You're okay right? I'm not hurting you or anything?” He sounded as concerned as someone with their dick planted in someone else could. 

“Aha yeah, yeah I'm good.” She reached back to place her hand on his. “Just go slow-” When he didn't move, she shot him a look over her shoulder. “You can start moving now Butch.” The look on her face couldn't be placed. She looked pleased but at the same time… she looked like something was wrong. 

“Uh- sure thing…” He started slow, barely pulling out before pushing back in again, wanting her to adjust to his thickness before he tried going any faster. “Just tell me if you want to stop.” Gradually his thrusts deepened and every time he'd bottom out a barely audible moan escaped her mouth. It was taking all of his strength not to pound into her wildly, after all, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her-  _ unless she ever wanted him to.  _

“You- ah- you can go faster-” Butch slowed instead. “No, no please go faster-  _ please.-”  _ She turned her head to look at him, the expression on his face was borderline sinful. 

“Tell me what you want me to do to you.” He sounded demanding and it caught her off guard.  _ He really liked to be in control didn't he.  _

“I want you to go faster-” He stilled completely instead. “-fuck Butch- I want you to fuck me-” Slowly, he moved again. “-god, Butch,  _ please _ \- I want you to make me come!” Oh he would make her come alright and with this sort of teasing, she was going to come _ hard. _

He kissed the back of her neck, making her shiver _. “ _ Who am I to deny a woman begging for her release…” Finally he picked up the pace- his hold on her hips tightening and her moans growing in volume. Each hard thrust was rubbing against her g-spot and it felt  _ so _ good. 

“Oh! Oh- yes yes yes- touch my- ah!” He didn't need her to finish speaking to know what she meant. He didn't need her to tell him what to do before he reached over her hip to her slick folds and started to rub light circles on her clit. It was well known to him by now that it drove her crazy when the bundle of nerves were stimulated. 

He leaned into her ear and whispered with a voice smooth like velvet. “Are you going to come for me baby?” She was already so close- it would only take a little more to break her. 

"Are you- uh- shit- are you going to m- make me?" 

"Only if you scream for me doll, you don't need to hold back like you did when I went down on you. Be loud for me." He took his hand away from her hip to brush a piece of hair behind her ear. "Will you do that for me?" She nodded with a croaked out  _ mhmm. " _ Words, Jane."

She was panting while she spoke. "I- I'll scream for you- just make me come-  _ please."   _ She turned her head to him with big puppy dog eyes. "I'm so close Butch~" That's what really set him off, those eyes, and her beautiful plush lips that looked amazing wrapped around his cock. His pace was unrelenting going harder and faster, slamming into her, rubbing her in all the right ways until she finally-

"Oh my go-AH BUTCH!" Her tight, warm walls clenched around him and he was close to bursting himself. "Keep going!  Please, you feel so good!" His pace didn't let up, thrusting into her again and again until she was whimpering nonsense. "I- and you- but- this- amazing!" He could feel her walls pulsing, slowly starting to release him from her grip. He gave her one last circle over her swollen nub before pulling out. 

She let herself fall on the back of her legs to finish catching her breath when she realized that he hadn't come in her like she thought he would. Jane turned around and straddled his legs once more. "You didn't come yet?" He kissed her briefly.

"Didn't know if you'd want me to- ya' know,  _ inside." _

"Fair enough, I didn't exactly tell you what I preferred..." Her hand slipped down to his cock. "-would you like it if I sucked you off?" Her strokes were painfully slow compared to the pace he was going before. 

"Only if you would like my cum in your mouth, because that's what's going to end up happening if you give me head right now-" That was always one of Butch’s weaknesses, being blown, ever since Susie Mack gave him a blow job in a broom closet when they were 17.

She shifted off of his legs, leaned down, hovered her mouth above the throbbing appendage, and looked up to his face. "Don't worry, I'll swallow it~" Before he could come up with a witty response her mouth sank down, her hand jacking what she couldn't take into her mouth.

"Ah- shit Jane-" Her mouth was  _ so _ warm he couldn't think straight, and when she applied suction-  _ oh man _ . "I'm- fuck- are you trying to kill me?" She chuckled around him, vibrations making him groan. He wondered how she could be so good at something she hadn't done until that day.

When her tongue swirled around the head his hips thrust into her mouth making her gag. His eyes opened and he was about to apologize but when he saw her take more of him in instead, he froze. She was really determined to get him off, wasn't she? 

She blocked out the part of her that wanted to gag and took his entirety in her mouth, trying to maintain a steady pace and even pressure. Her cheeks were hollowed, nose nestled to the base of his cock, nestled in the coarse hair around his shaft. His breathing was rough and uneven, he was  _ definitely _ getting close. Butch took a handful of her hair, not forcing her but guiding her to a pace that would finish him off- it was a quick pace but he was sure to be gentle. 

The heat in his abdomen was getting to be unbarable. “I’m- I’m gonna- fuck- fu- ck-” With an especially firm suck his hot seed spilled into her waiting mouth. “Mmm shit- you are  _ good.”  _ Her mouth slowed, still lightly sucking, getting every drop out of him that she could before swallowing his load. When she came up from his slowly softening length he couldn’t help but to stare, she sat on her heels, a sheen of sweat covering her body. Butch sat up, crossing his legs when noticed a dribble of cum on her lip. He brought his thumb to the warm droplet and wiped, his hand lingering. Jane brought her hand to his, guiding his thumb into her mouth and licking. If she was trying to get him hard again, it might just work.

That was it, he really did love her, he couldn’t question it now, he did.  “Come ‘ere…” He muttered before pulling her down to lay in his arms, she giggled at the warm gesture. The couch was small but neither of them cared at the moment, they were still in their post-sex daze. They laid like that for a while, their warm naked bodies pressed to each other, her head resting on his chest.

He was half asleep when she spoke.

\----------

“Freddie Gomez…” She said quietly with a lack of expression. 

“Hm? What about Freddie?” He was rubbing his hand up and down her back, eyes still closed.

“He uh, he was my first- I didn’t want to but he- uh, yeah- he was my first.”

“You didn’t want to?” He cracked an eye open to look at her but she was looking at her own hand resting on his chest. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I didn’t want to but- he didn’t care- he- he-” Tears started welling in her eyes.

“Are you saying the son of a bitch raped you?” If he wasn’t awake before, he was now. "That motherfucker touched you?"

She broke into quiet sobs against his shoulder. “I- I told him to stop- I told him it h-hurt- but he- he kept going- he- just kept going-” Butch’s heart hurt for her, she’d been through enough shit to last three lifetimes and there's no way she deserved any of it.

“Jesus Christ Jane, how old were you?” He searched his memories, wanting to remember  _ something _ , he wanted to remember a sign that there was something going on, that there was something wrong but he knew how he was in the vault. He knew that even if he had knowledge that something was up, he was too much of an asshole to do anything about it.

“15…” Her quite sobbing turned his stomach.  _ Christ, she was so young when it happened. _

“I- I'm so sorry that you had to go through that... Do you... regret being with me?” A part of him wondered if he brought up any… unpleasant memories.

She angled her head upwards. “God, no Butch, I’m glad we- uh- I’m glad we did what we did, I just felt... like I should tell you.” 

"Babe, you don't need to tell me anything you aren't ready to talk about." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "I'm always here for you..." 

And that’s how they fell asleep. Her sobbing into him and him, doing his goddamned best to make sure she felt loved.

 

_ Yeah, there wasn't anything weird about this.  _

Nothing weird about two fucked up kids finding happiness in each other, finding comfort in each other’s arms. 

Nothing weird at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a bit graphic. It'll basically be a flashback to the vault so you can stop here if you aren't comfortable with rape-y things (not that anyone actually SHOULD be comfortable with them but you know if it triggers you than don't read chapter 4)
> 
> Chapter 4 will also be the last chapter but certainly not the last of my writing about Butch/F!LW :)


	4. The Vault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback/forward.
> 
> Jane tells Butch about what happened to her in the vault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE (KINDA GRAPHIC LMAO)
> 
> Also time sort of skips back and forward, sorry if it's confusing. Italics are present.

Her face was shoved against the cold steel wall of the vault’s maintenance level- a foot kicked her own apart to spread her legs while a hand held her arms firm to her back.

“H- hey! What a- are you doing?!” Her face pressed harder on the metal, painfully so.

“Shut your mouth bitch.” The voice behind her was too familiar, too calm. 

“Let me go!” The man behind her flipped her and slammed  her back to the wall making her wince. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?!” He slapped her across the face, the stinging pain radiating through her cheek. “- what the hell if wrong w- ith-“ His arm pressed to her throat nearly cutting off her oxygen supply. Her hands tried desperately to pry his arm away. 

“I said to shut the fuck up, you cunt. Don't test me.”

She tried to speak but it hurt to try. “Fr- ed- die pl-... ease…” The corners of her vision were going a fuzzy black as she gasped for air. “I… c- an't- bre- ath…” Saying she was scared was an understatement, she was goddamned terrified. Black enveloped her sight until she couldn't see what was in front of her.

The last thing she remembers was falling limply to the ground.

\-----------

_“He hit you too?”_

_“Yeah, I think a part of him wanted to be like you Butch. Don't take that the wrong way, I know you wouldn't hit me now but when we were kids… yeah, I think he wanted to be like you.”_

_“Damn… What- uh- what happened when you woke up?”_

_“I was confused, I didn't know what was happening…”_

\-----------

She woke with a splitting headache. 

Her words slurred together like she was drunk. “I- I’m- where am- I…” She tried to gain her bearings. “Why can’t- I- move?” Looking down Jane noticed she was tied up, knots binding her hands together. A sudden voice startled her. 

“So Princess is finally up… that's good.” Freddie shook a bottle of Buffout. “Almost thought I'd given you too many, heh, that would've made an even bigger mess for me.” 

“You… drugged m- me?” 

“Yeah... yeah, see the trick to Buffout is the proper dose gives increased strength but if you exceed that, heh which I definitely have… then it has the exact opposite effect.” He yanked on her tied hands. “Just try to fight back and you’ll see first hand the effect that it has on you.” She tried to tug away but her muscles felt limp.

Tears started to well in her eyes. “W- What are you going to do with me?” She looked at him, tears falling down her cheek.

“Oh don't cry-“ He couldn't sound more emotionless if he tried. “-look, I’m going to have sex with you whether you like it or not… not like you've got a choice in the matter anyway.” Her stomach dropped.  

What a sick and twisted bastard.

\----------

_“What the hell? Where’d Freddie get a hold of Buffout?”_

_“My dad is- was a doctor, remember? I guess he swiped it when he was visiting the clinic. It wouldn't have been the first time someone stole chems from there- or last for that matter.”_

_“Wait… you?”_

_“Ha- uh, yeah… had to cope somehow…”_

\----------

“Freddie you can't! I've never- I’m a- I’m-“ She shifted so she was kneeling in front of him. “You can't take my- I don't want you to- please don't!”

He grabbed a fistful of her hair, crouching so he was eye level with her. “Weren't you listening Jane?” His grip tightened at the root. “It. Doesn't. Matter. What. You. Want.” Each word was punctuated with a tug. “Try and scream too, see what happens.” She didn't respond. 

Freddie pushed her onto her back, onto the cold metal of the vaults floor. His foot kicked her legs apart and he pressed the toe of his boot to her mons. She squeezed her eyes shut. 

_This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening._

“You don't have to-“ He knelt to unzip her jumpsuit. “-I won't tell- I- if you leave me alone- I won't tell!” His hand made it’s way under her bra and he groped her chest. Her eyes squeezed shut even harder. “Freddie please! Just please- leave me alone!” His hand traveled downwards into her panties and it made her feel dirty. Pleas turned to sobs, hot tears running down her face.

 _Fuck- Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop._  

His index finger traced her outer lips. “Man, you are not wet at all. But- that doesn't mean much for me, just for you.” He forced a finger through her entrance. 

“Ow! Hey-!” Her eyes shot open and she wished that she kept them closed. Freddie was above her, right hand in her panties, left hand palming his cock through his jumpsuit. 

\-----------

_“I ‘outta kill that bastard, I ‘outta rip his throat out.”_

_“Freddie’s sick Butch, his Vault Depressive Syndrome got really bad. His outbursts were even worse.”_

_“Him being sick is no reason for him to go after you, I mean what the fuck is wrong with the prick?”_

\----------

He moved his finger in and out, her pained whimpers egging him on.

“Please- p- please stop…” He shoved in another finger. “Ah-! Stop- please- it hurts!”

“Nah, I got a better idea.” He pulled the zipper on his jumpsuit with one hand while he forcibly finger fucked her with the other. “How about I see if my dick will fit in your cunt?” Everything about him made Jane feel dirty, what he was doing to her, the way he was speaking, everything. He grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him. She tried to resist but her muscles fell slack. 

Freddie shoved down his boxers to reveal quite a large erection. She knew it wouldn't fit, it couldn’t, even two fingers were much too painful and they were nothing compared to his thickness. He pulled his fingers from her and began to pump his length. “I bet you'll be nice and warm, nice and cozy, shit- you should be begging me to fuck you.” He traced her entrance with the tip of his cock before pushing in with force. 

She tried to jerk away but she couldn't find the strength. “Stop! Stop, please! God- it hurts- it hurts!” He pulled out slightly, noticing the presence of blood. A smirk lingered on his face. 

He looked her in the eye. “A bit of blood never hurt anyone.” And he pushed back in. 

Like hell it never hurt anyone. If the ungodly pain between her thighs told her anything, it was that he probably tore something. 

When he bottomed out, his length pressed deeply into her cervix. “Ah- that's too deep- stop Freddie!” He drove into her again and again, hitting her cervix each time. 

“Shut up…” 

“It’s painful- just stop!”

His hand struck her across the face. “I said shut up, bitch!” Jane stopped trying to beg him after that. It was obvious he wasn't going to listen. 

Her body bounced as he pounded into her relentlessly, each thrust making her wince in pain. She just wanted it to be over.

She felt a hand grab then give a firm smack to her ass. “Aw fuck…” Freddie grunted from above her. A finger probed at her back entrance and she prepared for the worst. There was no kindness in it, he stuck his finger in her mouth first before plunging it into her ass. She wanted to scream, it was bad enough having him tear her opening but the burning feeling in her ass was somehow worse. She felt more violated.

When she didn't protest out of fear from being hit, Freddie spoke.

“Fuck baby I knew you'd like it- mphm- I'm gonna cum inside of you. I'm gonna fill you up and watch it leak out… Heh, it would be hilarious if you got pregnant too.” His tempo became erratic, hips losing rhythm as he got closer and closer to his orgasm. 

_I- fuck- I don't want to get pregnant. I can't get pregnant._

“Not inside-“ She managed to squeak out but he ignored her, he kept thrusting. “Freddie, not inside.” She tried to speak up but was silenced. He withdrew his finger from her backside and covered her mouth. Tears poured from her eyes. 

Freddie started slamming into her harder than before, overwhelming her senses with more pain. “Mphm- I'm gonna fuckin’- oh shit yes- fuck yes- ah ahh oh my- ahhhhhhh…” She could feel his hot seed spurt into her- his cock twitching inside as he spent himself. “Mmm yeah… you’re a good fuck Jane.” He grabbed her chin and turned her head towards him. “Look at me.” She cracked her eyes open, still crying. “You're a dirty slut. No one will want you now.” He wiggled his hips, his length still buried inside her. “Not after I just came in your pussy.” He started to withdraw himself from her raw cunt, eyeing the cum that was rushing out after. It made a mess of her thighs when he rubbed it around.

The hand on her face gripped tighter. “The Buffout will wear off in a couple hours.” He released her cheeks, giving her another slap. “Try to get cleaned up.”

Finally he got up, tucked himself back in his boxers and left- leaving her on the floor, stripped and covered in blood and cum. 

\----------(Present Time)----------

Butch held Jane in his arms, her head lying on his bare chest. 

“He just left you there?” Both of them stared off into space while they spoke, not wanting to fully confront the past.

“Yeah… He was a real asshole.”

“I'm so sorry- I- if I knew... God I want to kill him. Did James know?”

“Jonas found me crying a little bit after I redressed myself. He brought me to the clinic and I got treatment for uh- well to make sure I didn't get pregnant.” 

“What did James say?”

“Nothing really, I didn't say much about it, didn't want to cause more trouble. But he knew roughly what had happened. He knew it was forced on me, knew I didn't want to.” 

They sat together in silence for a while. Butch's frame, much larger than hers, made her feel safe. His hand rubbed up and down her back, calming her nerves. 

If he was going to be honest, he was proud of her. It wasn't easy to share something like that and she just shared every bit with him, she trusted him with it. 

She trusted him and that felt better than anything. 

He kissed the top of her head and she craned her neck up to look at him. “What was that for?” Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying. 

“Nothing… I just really love you.” 

She couldn't help the tears welling in her eyes and Butch panicked. 

“W- uh- what's… wrong?”

She tried to speak through her tears. “N- Nothing, I just really love you too.” Before he could say anything to reply she caught his lips in a kiss. It was quick but tender. 

Jane broke the kiss and relaxed back on his chest. Both of them had a smile planted on their faces. 

Butch poked her side. “You love me.” 

She tickled his stomach making him squirm. “And _you_ Butch DeLoria, love _me_.” 

He squeezed her body to his. “Damn right I do…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished :D


End file.
